Nail-Biter

At least, that was the impression of at least one Democrat last night watching as the election results came in.

For the curious, there are now 28 Donkey governors, and 22 Republican, which is a change from an Elephantine majority previously in the category of gubernatorial politics.

The Burros have retaken the House of Representatives, that much is certain. The Senate on the other hand, is ever-so-close, and it really hangs on two states that feature hills, trees, and movies with horses: Montana and Virginia.

Montana is home to Ol’ Faithful, which is a geyser, which is a hole in the ground that spits hot water like a drowsy student going after fresh coffee too aggressively. It’s also home to Conrad Burns, who possesses a fantastic name in addition to being a Senator and Never-Forgettor; he has come under fire recently as being a part of the infamous Jack Abramoff scandal, but managed to slither his way out. It’s also the home of Burro John Tester, who has a face like a Texas football player in 1975 (round face, big smile, square shaped hair). We know nothing about this Tester fellow, but we’re willing to bet he’s socially conservative, and is running his campaign with an overdose of anti-Conrad-Burns-ism.

As for Virginia it’s home to probably the most vicious campaign between two awful candidates ever seen in the United States, which is saying something, after all, the country still has New Jersey. Regardless, George Allen is, apparently, a racist (and bears more than a slight resemblance to Friday Night Lights actor Kyle Chandler), while his opponent, Jim Webb (no relation to Spiderman) is apparently a sexist, both guys are rude, and poor campaigners, but they make highly entertaining Sunday morning political television.

Regardless the Spider-Burro (as any Democrat named Webb should be known) is beating out Bruce Baxter by a measly 3000 votes, which will mean a certain recount. Hopefully the Virginia Supreme Court won’t decide to get involved and randomly declare a winner. Montana is even closer, as the Linebacker is squeaking out the cousin of Montegomery Burns to the tune of 4 dozen votes. Again, recount is imminent.

Mr. Thursday thinks all these close races are marvelous and interesting, though wishes some younger people with faster counting skills could be involved in the whole counting-of-the-votes process. While having no particular affectation for El Burro or the Never-Forgettors, Mr. Thursday is an advocate for Voting Against Incumbents–too much time in the same role breeds sloth, and while their are some marvelous Congresmen who have been in their offices for decades, on the whole, a politician shouldn’t be allowed that much power for that long a time. Robert Byrd, a Senator from West Virginia who was handily re-elected last night, has been in the US Senate longer than 2/3rds of the US population has been alive.

The other perspective considered by Mr. Thursday is It Is Always Good When The President and the Congress Aren’t the Same. If the Congress is held by Burros while a Never-Forgettor is in the White House (or vice-versa), it provides a much better check and balance than if the Congress is gleefully following the President, wherever he may lead.

So, that said, here’s to the Democrats, may they enjoy the stagnation of the next two years, and let’s do better in 2008, everybody.

CORRECTION: To our eternal shame, Mr. Thursday does not, at this time, employ an editor, and is frequently way too hasty in publishing these posts. Yesterday, without thinking, we shamefully noted that Montana is home to Old Faithful, which is, in fact, located in Wyoming. We hang our heads in dishonor.

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4 Comments

Filed under Politics

4 responses to “Nail-Biter

  1. “Hopefully the Virginia Supreme Court won’t decide to get involved and randomly declare a winner.”

    They’re conservative-dominated, so I don’t think there’d be anything random about it.

  2. True. You’ll have to pardon me, I was thinking that getting involved would be random, though their choice for the seat, maybe not so much…

  3. Katie

    Old-Faithful is actually in Wyoming.

  4. Mr. Thursday – I see you’ve used the domain mapping service. Drop me a line some time if you have time, I’m considering doing it and am not sure it’s really what I want.

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