Quantifying Intangibles

I love Fire Joe Morgan.  They like rational, reasonable argument based upon measurable facts.  I also like this.  They cannot stand “intangibles”, and frankly, I don’t think too much of them, either. 

Naturally, then, I’ve been asked to come and help quantify intangibles (Here comes the links).  The Extrapolater is running the show, and helping out to judge player intangibles will be Jack Cobra from 3 Man Lift, Texas Gal from Ladies…, Uncle Sunil from Hurricanes are for Drinking, Gary Gnu from GNUru, and Sooze from Babes Love Baseball.  The categories are absurd:  Atomic Mass (ya know, for chemistry), Exposure, Date Quotient, Scrappyness, Jollyness, Hot Wife-ness, Clutchness, Hottness,  Behavior(-ness? yes?), Appearance, Quotability, and Name Quality. 

Each one of the High Judges will have their own scoring system, and will relay their own wit with their scoring.  Personally, I think I’m going to go home and weigh some fruit today.  That way, a cantaloupe’s weight can be the high score, a grape’s weight the low score, and a banana with the peel opened but not removed can be somewhere in between.  Either that, or just 1-5.  Whatever. 

If you have any players you’d like to see rated using tiny dolls and you don’t fear shrunken heads, email me or leave a comment.  You won’t be able to read any of the posts here, though I’ll probably link to them from time to time.  Check out The Extrapolater for the on-going series. 

[Voodoo Sabermetrics – The Extrapolater]

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3 Comments

Filed under Baseball, Blogging

3 responses to “Quantifying Intangibles

  1. The beauty of these intangibles is that we don’t care what effect they have on wins or losses. This is almost like All-Star voting – it’s a popularity contest. Who do the fans love? We might like watching Barry Bonds hit, but he’s a miserable son of a bitch who otherwise sucks all of the joy out of a game we love. I think that matters. I know that matters, or newspapers wouldn’t waste so much ink writing about it.

  2. you

    you need some -edness to rate their profile picture on their club’s website. some guys have absolutely ridiculous pictures and some are boring, that needs to be weighed in when making a decision on intangibles. or not. whatever.

  3. Well, I assigned people general categories, and what they choose to illustrate them with is up to them. TC, here, is in charge of rating Appearance (non Hottness variety), so website images are firmly in his wheelhouse.

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