There is an episode of Futurama in which it is determined that all the robots of the world are responsible for global warming, and that they must be destroyed or Earth will, ya know, fry. The robots are tricked into coming to a big robots-only party on the Galapagos Islands, and, somehow, only Bender has figured out it’s a trap. As he says good-bye to his pet turtle, the crowd hears him, and wants to escape with their robo-lives.
Bender pleads with the robo-crowd thusly: “Shut up and pay attention to me, Bender! Look, I love life and it’s pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, Hedonism Bot. But we need to be shut off! Especially you, Hedonism Bot.”
To which Hedonism Bot replies, calling out, “I apologize for nothing!”
Anyway, I have always thought it funny, and because my opinion matters in this space more than anyone else’s, I present to you our newest series, loquaciously titled, Especially You, Hedonism Bot!. Actually, that sounds like a Kurt Vonnegut title–“coming on the heels of such classics as God Bless You, Mr Rosewater and Happy Birthday, Wanda June, the masterful, paranoid storyteller posthumously brings you Especially You, Hedonism Bot!” I like it, anyway. EYHB! is where the Curious Mechanism shall explore the more pleasurable things in life: food and drink. We have some amateur beer aficionados here, and so you’ll get plenty of recommendations for suds. Personally, I am obsessive about pizza, and am on a quest to try just about every pizza worth eating. If you’re familiar with a pizza that I can reach by public transit from Philadelphia, I’ll almost certainly try it within a couple weeks.
If you want to recommend to me your favorite pizza place in Bismarck, ND, I wanna hear about that, too. I never know when I could end up there. I have my own favorite pizza places, and I’ll tell you about it soon enough. I’m not sure what Paul, Liam, Andy, and Katie will care to write about. Liam lives near Princeton, and fights and everlasting battle between his diabetes, and his love for the Princeton Creamery. Paul is familiar with every wing night in Philadelphia, and can tell you definitively where the best cheap wings are nearly every night of the week. Andy will be spending most of his summer near, I believe, Montreal, where one of my favorite breweries can be found, and will inhabit New Orleans this fall, where, perhaps, he can tell us where to find the best bayou cookin’.
No food is too high-class, or low brow. When we can afford it, we’ll tell you about our favorite steakhouses with their aged wine and their sizzlin’ Kansas City strips; likewise, when the mood strikes us, we’ll explain precisely how many tacos are too many tacos on taco night; the non-Philadelphians among you will have your education in the realms of water ice. I think you get the idea.
Now, we cover with obvious bias toward Philadelphia. For this reason, we ask you, dear readers, for both your suggestions, and your renovations. If you want to tell us about the best drinks or grubs where you live, and we can’t get out their ourselves, feel free to send an email our way. We’ll publish nearly any cogent recommendation.
So, there we go. A horrifically over-written, under-edited, and poorly made excuse to talk about beer and post pictures of pretty bottles and stuff like that.