Jack and Diane Movie Greater Than Eponymous Song

Let us begin with some basic information: John Mellancamp is kind’ve a hack, and Ellen Page is, I think, It. Or she’s got It. Or she’s next. Or she’s now. Hot? Everybody like Ellen Page right now, because this trailer for her film, Juno, is fabulous, and the movie has received what Metacritic calls “Universal Acclaim”.

Well, being a bored and curious fellow, I decided to see what else the title star is up to, and found, disappointingly, a movie on her schedule called “Jack and Diane”. Now, “Jack and Diane” is the title of the most popular song by the singer John Couger Mellancamp, who, lately, is mostly known for his work in Chevy commercials. Grudgingly, I went to the IMDB page for this movie, to see how somebody would flesh out a story about “two American kids growin’ up in the heartland”.

Well, here’s the plot, according to IMDB:

Jack and Diane, two teenage lesbians, meet in New York City and spend the night kissing ferociously. Diane’s charming innocence quickly begins to open Jack’s tough skinned heart. But, when Jack discovers that Diane is leaving the country in a week she tries to push her away. Diane must struggle to keep their love alive while hiding the secret that her newly awakened sexual desire occasionally turns her into a werewolf.

Yeah, I didn’t see that last sentence coming, either.  Let’s just analyze the basic stories we’ve got happening here, in a single movie:

  • Forbidden love (lesbian love).
  • Teenage love
  • Brief love
  • Lust
  • Werewolves

So, we’re working with elements from (at the very least), “An American Werewolf In London”, “Romeo and Juliet”, “Lost in Translation”, and “Brokeback Mountain”. Apparently, the plot is also “Ginger Snaps”, but in reverse. I’ve never seen that movie, so I can’t really comment on it, but, I mean, the rest of the movies were pretty good, right? Doesn’t this movie have every pubescent tease in it, somewhere? Werewolves, lesbians, adventure, drama, comedy, sex, and violence?

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