The esteemed Mr. Thursday, in the glowing introduction provided me, pointed out that I am “viciously opinionated.” This is true, but only because I am always right. One of the things I am always right about is this: North America is horribly lame, with Canada being the marginally less lame of the two… [EDIT: offshoots of Great Britain (Mexico is excepted for the purposes of this entry)]. North America’s lameitude manifests itself in very different ways at any given time with varying severity but my life can safely be described as a constant to-and-fro with North America and its terrible, strangling lameness.
Take this morning. The football (North America calls this “soccer.” Do you see what I mean?) team that I build my life around, Liverpool FC, was playing against Arsenal FC at 12:30 PM Greenwich Mean Time at Anfield stadium in beautiful Liverpool, England. That has me getting up and getting to the pub for 7:30 AM. The subway is barely even open at that hour! The very rotation of the Earth, indeed the arrangement of the solar system, reinforces my opinion.